Swimming. Really? Let’s all just jump into a giant chlorinated soup with strangers flailing about like lost penguins. Zero impact, they say. More like zero personal space because every pool is either jam-packed or smells like the bottom of a fish tank where dreams go to die. “Cool the body while working out,” they claim. Yeah, that’s until you step out and feel like a frozen fish stick in an industrial freezer aisle.
Injury rehab, what a joke. Try getting elbowed by some wannabe Olympic swimmer in the next lane and tell me how your injury feels then. But sure, let’s keep flogging this aquatic nonsense. And who on earth decided that swim caps and goggles were A-OK as far as fashion statements go? Black cap, fogged goggles—totally the hot new look that’ll see people running for the hills, or possibly just back to their blankets on the beach.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the locker rooms where you can actually taste the humidity and why do gym bags always end up soaked? Waterproof technology has failed us. If you’re still convinced this is your go-to cardio, then you probably need more help than I can offer. Or you might just be curious about other, less cramped cardio options that save you from counting Band-Aids on the floor of public pools. Whatever.