You know those moments when you think you’re about to breeze through something, only to be hit with a cascade of breathless realizations? Yeah, that was me during a supposed 10-minute standing abs HIIT routine. Standing. Definitely different from lying on a mat, or so I thought. Standing—the very act my dog performs so gracefully, yet here I am flailing like a confused noodle.
So, the whole premise is that this workout is ‘No Repeat, Low Impact,’ which sounds like fancy code for ‘Not Going to Die Today.’ Or so they want you to believe. Instead, I found myself questioning every decision that led to standing there, trying desperately to maintain balance and dignity. I mean, balancing on one leg while twisting—it felt more like trying to write with my left hand (and no, I’m not left-handed).
Imagine sweating it out while the cat judges your every move from the couch. It’s unnerving. But then, there’s something deceptively liberating about moving through cardio without hearing that dreaded ‘crunch’ of the floorboards beneath my mat. Turns out, exercise routines don’t need to sound like DIY podcasts.
But really, the low impact bit? Let’s just say I was deceived by the title because, by minute four, my calves were staging a revolt and my arms felt like I’d made enemies with them for life. Every lift, twist, and turn seemed designed to expose my lack of upper body coordination. Ten minutes may not seem long but when you’re contorted in all sorts of unimaginable positions, it stretches every second into what feels like an eternity.
Finally, there’s this laughable attempt to ‘focus on the breathing,’ which basically turned into a cross between hyperventilation and gasping. Yeah, really absorbed the full experience. Maybe it was the promise of abs like granite or just the low-key terror of breaking my grandmother’s vase but something kept me from hitting the stop button.
Next time I think I’ll switch it up and do something more relaxed. Like dolphin yoga or maybe lying face-down directly on the floor, which feels more in my wheelhouse. At least the coffee afterward was worth the struggle. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.