So, this whole cycle syncing workouts thing is just…wow. Like who sat down and decided, “Hey, let’s align workouts with menstrual phases because that’s totally what we need to worry about instead of just existing.” I mean, HIIT during ovulation? Of course, because there’s nothing better than feeling like your ovaries are ready to explode while you burpee your life away. There’s a reason why my most frequent high-intensity workout is lifting a donut to my mouth.
And then it’s yoga or walking during the luteal or menstrual phase like we’re some sort of fragile creatures who might disintegrate if we do a single squat. Right. Because nothing screams empowerment like being told my workout speed depends on a bodily function I have zero control over. Seriously, if I wanted more things in life dictated by my hormonal whims, I’d start making friends with teenage melodramas again.
Oh, and this isn’t just some harmless wellness fad. Nope. It’s supposed to “optimize hormone balance,” they say. Because evidently, all the chocolate and tears during PMS isn’t balancing enough. I guess someone decided it was time we science the crap out of gym routines by turning them into chemistry quizzes. My head hurts just thinking about it. For those interested in tackling this madness and more in the usually unstructured world of women’s fitness, have fun browsing this specific text. Whatever.