So, grip strength. Really? We’re in 2023 and the pinnacle of human evolution is crushing metal springs with our bare hands. Bravo, humanity. I’ve seen grown men squashing these Captain Crushers like it’s a life and death situation. What’s next? Competitive jar opening? But hey, I get it. Who wouldn’t want a vice-like grip for all those oh-so-dangerous daily tasks like picking up groceries and shaking hands? I hope the handshake economy grows strong. Seriously though, why don’t they just rename it “How To Crush A Watermelon With Your Bare Hands 101” because that’s more honest.
And why do people take pride in something that essentially measures your ability to not let go? There’s literally a device called the “Gripmedal,” and I can’t stop laughing. Is Lloyd the Great Grip King gonna challenge you to a duel over who can hang off a bar longer? Spoiler: you’ll never be in that situation. And don’t forget all the money thrown at fancy equipment, making sure you can hang from every tree branch for an eternity or win the next neighborhood fruit-picking contest. Not to mention, it’s not like any of us are lifting logs off Paul Bunyan’s property. Pretty sure I’m not, but hey, if lugging awkward-weighted bags at home keeps you up at night, you might find some irrational precisely “targeted” training method on the internet for some laughs.
So yeah, if you’re interested in more oh-so-essential fitness insights, go ahead and dig into it. Whatever.