So, here we go again with another bonkers trend that’s supposed to revolutionize everything—barefoot training. Seriously, people are now claiming their stupid minimalist shoes are fixing centuries of bad footwear design as if all those podiatrists were just making things up for kicks. Cue the fanboys, probably skipping through fields, exalting the liberating feel of ground contact like they just invented walking. Yeah, yeah, sensory feedback for squats and deadlifts—let’s blame modern shoes for failing in your PB attempts. As if the perfectly calibrated gym shoes didn’t exist. And don’t even get me started on the foot strength/stability crap. Look, I get wanting to feel like some primal beast reconnecting with the Earth. But isn’t it enough to train, lift, run, and repeat—without needing a pseudo-cult around your feet? This ludicrous fad makes it seem like anyone wearing shoes is a fashion victim and their musculoskeletal doom is assured. Super exaggerated, right?

I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying it. It’s as if these companies sat around plotting how to take the shoes off your feet and still sell you something outrageously overpriced. And voila! Feast your eyes on the latest snake oil: shoes without any real soles! Wonderful.

People won’t shut up about the ‘connection’ and ‘feel’ on their Instagram stories, acting like our ancestors who survived without Instagram or the internal marvels of mitochondria.

Whatever.