Some genius woke up one morning and thought, ‘Hey, let’s sell people water that’s had a cactus swimming in it!’ And just like that, cactus water is the new ‘it’ drink. Because coconut water wasn’t expensive enough, right? It’s like this bizarre obsession with pretending we’re all stranded in a desert, desperately squeezing juice from a prickly pear to survive. Only it costs you five bucks a bottle. And apparently, it’s the ultimate hangover cure. Sure, because nothing says ‘refreshing’ like drinking what is essentially cactus sweat, right?
Oh, but don’t worry, folks. They’ve reassured us it has half the sugar of coconut water. As if anyone was sitting around worrying that coconut water was their main sugar problem! The world is burning, but hey, here’s some overpriced prickly pear juice to fix everything. They market it as a skin hydrator. Yeah, because your skin will definitely notice you dumping an extra twenty bucks a week into health food trends. Meanwhile, you’re hemorrhaging money faster than these trendy brands can come up with their next wild idea. What’s next, sand-infused spring water?
It’s almost amusing how being healthy means buying into such ridiculousness now. But don’t take my word for it. I’m just someone who believes in drinking normal water without cornering myself into bankruptcy over some hipster hydration method. Oh yeah, go on and hear it from those obsessed with every new fad like this for more laughs.
Whatever.